Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
