Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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