The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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