Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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