i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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