You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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