Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
