I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
