last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
