so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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