He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
