My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize