Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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