Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize