Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
