I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
