in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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