Moan for me like Helen Keller
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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