I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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