She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
