You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
