Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
