Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Will you blow on my dice?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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