He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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