I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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