thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
