does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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