Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
