the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize