I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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