Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize