Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
