I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
