i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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