I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize