I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Are we still banned from the library?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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