my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
