I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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