So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
