I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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