Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
