But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
