Don't you send me to vm
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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