wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
People in love make me want to vomit
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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