im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
