I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
