Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
