It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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