I just cut my nipple shaving
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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