he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
