his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
