Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
