had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have fence marks all over my body
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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