we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
