hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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