He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
