Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think my tv is drunk
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
