Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
