this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
