This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
