Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
