Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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