I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
