I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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