What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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