Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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