it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
