My liver just broke up with me...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
