so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize