I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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