Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
