i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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